Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Bills can't ink any deals; mastermind Gailey's decree: We won't be using any quarterbacks in 2010

ORCHARD PARK, NY - Due to the salary cap and a lack of viable prospects, the Buffalo Bills have stunned the sports world by deciding to simply go without a quarterback during the 2010 season.

"There's nothing in the NFL rulebooks against it," said General Manager Buddy Hix, "So what're you gonna do, people? Stop us? Make us start a quarterback?" And Hix is correct, if not eloquent. Buffalo's front office decision is a game plan by fiat that no one can argue.

"Okay, everybody calm down - just calm down," said Bills' head coach Chan Gailey in Monday's press conference. "Look, we're going to focus on the running game. Back to the old days when you simply snapped to the running back and ran up the middle. Or the right. Or the left. We really don't want to give up too much to the opposition. Also, we plan to kick a lot more on second down and send our centers out to the perimeter to shake things up for the defenses."

Quarterbacks Trent Edwards, Ryan Fitzpatrick, and Ryan Brohm will all have to find work elsewhere unless, as Gailey offered, they become kickers or defensive linemen. Edwards chose to move to the long snapper position, while Fitzpatrick and Brohm deferred the option to tune up their resumes for the Arena Football League.

Starting wide receivers Lee Evans and James Hardy are uncertain of their future. "I guess we just run around and create a diversion," said Evans. "That's just the genius of Chan Gailey," added Hardy.

Gailey has also decided to remove the numbers and names from players' jerseys to create more confusion on the field. "It's a new strategy." In the AFC East Division, the Bills have a tough row to hoe. Experts agree that they will go 0-16, quite possibly before Thanksgiving weekend.

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