Julep Poll: NHL has least amount of assholes of nation's four major sports

In a recent Julep poll, Americans were loud and clear: Hockey doesn’t have as many assholes as football, baseball, or basketball.

Julep spokesman Hank Sutcliffe stated: “American have clearly made their decision. Hockey doesn’t have a Barry Bonds, a Kobe Bryant, a Terrell Owens. These are just nicer guys. Really,” Sanderson went on, “Those guys in the other sports are just assholes. Really. Are you gonna argue with a pollster?” 

"Who doesn't just love those Canucks and their eastern European counterparts?" Sutcliffe continued. “There are not as many egos, lack of accountability, rudeness, profligate spending of fortunes, or extramarital affairs in hockey.”

NHL Commissioner Hank Sutcliffe, the same man who commissioned the poll, replied, "Really? We didn't even know anyone was paying attention."