Jockey reveals thoroughbred "Luck Be a Bradley Cooper" is gay

Belmont – With earnings just over $1 million in 2010, trainers and jockeys have been pleased with the success of Luck Be A Bradley Cooper. Yet, the promising stud failed to show up in his gate at yesterday’s Belmont Stakes, one of horse racing’s preeminent triumvirate. Yesterday, amid a heat wave, local authorities found the crestfallen thoroughbred aimlessly roaming the Verrazano Bridge.

The equine was rushed to Long Island’s Our Lady of Mother Mary’s Epiphany Emergency Medical Center for People and Very Special Horses. He is currently being treated with IV fluids and sedatives.

It has not escaped the attention of owners and backers of Luck Be A Bradley Cooper that he was listless and withdrawn of late. “He wasn’t enjoying the things he usually does," said owner Thurmond M. Thaler, Jr., "he wasn’t his joking self and began to back out of parties and events that weren’t absolutely necessary.”

“I just knew something was wrong with him,” reported 3’7”, 54 pound jockey Mickey Beebe. “Turns out he’d been living a lie. He had to keep up appearances, what with always being in the white hot spotlight that shines on American horse racing, clearly the nation's favorite sport. I’m his jockey and I just didn’t see it. Then I thought, is he looking at me when I’m naked in the stall? How about all the other naked horses right there in the next stall? I should have known when he was spending a lot of time in Internet chat rooms and signing out real quick-like when I entered the room. There were signs. And no one was listening.”

The National Horse and Horse People Association vote next week on their “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” policy.