“Can you believe it!”: FCC censors Al Michaels for difficult words

Washington, D.C. - Veteran NBC Sports Analyst Al Michaels faces censorship from the FCC. According to the FCC, that august group of moral superiority, Al Michaels has been at it for too long as the “thesaurus” of sports.
    “Stick to ‘Can You Believe It!’, Al,” says the FCC. "No more ten dollars words like ‘predilection’, ‘tenable’, ‘propicious’, ‘irretractable’. No one understands you, Al. No more ‘prodigious’, ‘disconsolate’ and ‘plenary’."
    All broadcasts will be further delayed by an additional 24 seconds for real-time adjustment during live games so that FCC officials can find simpler, more accessible words for the American public from their Roget’s Reverse Thesaurus, published by the Random House subdivision People for Parity In An Intellectually Challenged Society. This bible of major network television studios has been used on the set of Survivor, American Idol, Pawn Stars, and MTV’s Real World.
    “Our job,” says NBC and the FCC, “is to ensure that people are not jarred or otherwise comfounded by difficult and challenging language that they haven’t seen since the SATs."
    All of the words will be replaced with simpler three to six letter words more readily digestible for an already dwindling American intelligence.
   “I am disheartened and crestfallen. This is a thoroughgoing and unexpurgated shock to me. But I will capitulate to anything that this saturnalian, ignoble, and profligate network requests. Because I’m Al Michaels. And I get along with everybody.”
    Both the FCC and NBC were appreciative of Michaels' warm comments.