BREAKING: Mayweather files TRO against Pacquiao, effective whenever they are in the ring

LAS VEGAS – In a last ditch effort to avoid the much awaited bout, IBA World Welterweight Champion "Pretty Boy Floyd" Mayweather Jr. has filed for and received an injunction from the Third U.S. District Court against "Pac-Man" Manny Pacquiao.

The TRO, or temporary restraining order, prohibits Pacquiao, while in the ring anytime with Mayweather in the contiguous United States or any of its territories, commonwealths, or possessions, from coming within "four inches of his opponent". This gives the upper hand to Mayweather, who plans to draw his legally restricted opponent in a fit of rage and then win the bout after Pacquiao’s arrest and subsequent forfeiture of the match.

"We've never had an arrest in the ring," said Gilberto Mendoza, long time WBA president. "What a boost it would be for the sport. I mean, you can beat the s**t out of someone in a bar in quite the same manner and get arrested. Why not in the ring?"

Arguing his case in court, Mayweather's attorney cited irreconcilable differences between the two pugilists as well as a litany of other complaints including: bullying text messages, physical threats, and an "unpredictable tempermentality" on the part of the defendant.