Due to recession, MLB runs out of balls, All-Star game canceled

Anaheim, CA - During last Sunday night's game between the Houston Astros and New York Yankees, catcher Humberto Quintero reached back for a fresh ball for his pitcher Roy Oswalt, and uh-oh - the umpire found himself with an empty pocket. The confounded official then looked back to the home team ball provider - nothing doing. They simply ran out of baseballs. The pitcher had the only one left in his hand and they were going to have to use that for the balance of the game.

But when Derek Jeter hit it over the fence into private property in the bottom of the eighth, the game was called. Nobody would dare trespass on Mrs. Shoemaker's lawn. So everybody went home.

"That jerk-off Jeter had to hit a home run and now we can't play," said pitcher Sabathia, regarding his own teammate.

"Sorry," said the ever personable commish Bud Selig, "Times are tight. Money's tight. And I have completely run out of balls. What do you want from my life?"

An unfortunate result is that the All-Star game will be canceled tonight if the local Modell's in Anaheim does not have enough balls in stock. Officials are combing every possible Walmart, Target, and Sears for anything resembling a baseball and with the word "Official" on it.

Factories in Mexico are scrambling to churn out thousands of regulation balls for the second half of the season. At 70 cents a man-hour.


[NOTE: Each home team is to provide 95 balls per game. On average about 60 to 70 balls are used in a game, one every three to five pitches. The MLB website reports that approximately 160,000 balls are used in a season. This is largely attributed to the league's persnickety pitching corps.]