NFL Headquarters, NYC – Every year there’s a new rule to protect the quarterback and now after Clay Matthews unconscionably had the gall to play defense and sack Redskins QB Alex Smith like he was a quarterback or something, NFL franchises will have the opportunity to increase the shelf life of their franchise quarterbacks.
In a double-blind survey commissioned by the NFL Players Association, 95.5% of NFL quarterbacks complained: “the hits are too hard,” or “I want to play until I’m 52,” or “my uniform needs constant mending by the team seamstress,” or “the pressure from linebackers and cornerbacks, well, frankly how am I supposed to do my job if I keep getting pressure from the other team?”
The “Nano-Bubble”, engineered by physicists and engineers at the Army Corps of Engineers and Dupont, employs nanotechnology to shield the quarterback from hits exceeding 20 Newtons of force or 16 PSI, roughly atmospheric pressure. Anything under this “force threshold” such as a handshake from a congratulating opponent, a botched snap, or glaring lights from the scoreboard is repelled. Officials from the NFL Hall of Fame in Canton are encouraging players interested in the Nano-Bubble to stay at home and play Madden 19 on their game consoles.
This new technology should not be confused with bubble-wrap, which was tried by Boomer Esiason and Vinny Testeverde.
Quarterback coaches and agents are hoping that someday they can avoid all physical contact at every position.
No comments:
Post a Comment